Dear Spammers:

It has come to my attention that my mailbox has been largely flooded with more letters from you than friends or people I know. I wish to air my displeasure to make sure you are aware of it so that you may stop giving me the illusion that I get a lot of mails every day. It strikes me as a great insult that you should continually sell me Viagra when my chances of suffering from erectile dysfunction are as big as you using your own product -- and getting the desired result. Please stop writing me those generous letters announcing an instant lottery win or promising a huge share on some deceased hermit's large fortune on the condition that I wire you my life's savings or share my bank account details. That is not a very subtle way to steal. Do not offer me a hot date and be like the annoying people who think that matchmaking is a great favor to friends who don't need or ask for it (It is outrageous enough that you could assume your definition of what is hot is the same as mine). You have to tell me first what decent person would allow himself to be marketed in the worst place next to a bar which is online. Also, since when did someone hot need to be pimped? No! No! No! I do not need that Cancun getaway. You should understand that I am not a beach person and have no desire to go to a place where I have nothing to do but get burned, which is another thing I would not be too thrilled about. Lastly, an e-mail subject like Do you remember me or Help Wanted will not pique my interest in any way, it will only pique me.

SO

PLEASE

GO

AWAY!


Yours sincerely,

G-i-r-l I-n-t-e-r-r-u-p-t-e-d